My tastes are quite catholic when it comes to music. Not necessarily Roman, but catholic, all the same. I am no expert, but my mind is fascinated by different hues, tones, rhymes and rhythms… quite like the little boy lost in a sweet shop.

I love making playlists for my friends. Now that we are in a period of extended lockdown, I thought I must offer this service to a wider group of people who have been so good and deserving… They have socially distanced themselves, they have worn masks, and some have even ventured to make fashion statements out of them.

So here goes – my playlists for the heroes of the day.

Sixties rock-n-roll for Indian millenials
Some of us who are older keep harking back to the music of the sixties, the summer of love, Woodstock… Truly the explosion of music then has not been repeated, and we need to share this with our millenials, but in a manner that may make sense to them:

Hey Dude by the Betel Boys
As is customary with this group of people, it is important to denote if the band in question is one of boys, girls or other persuasions.

Gimme (gated-community) Shelter by the Rolling Milestones
For some of us, they were considered millstones around our necks, but the millenials are big on milestones…They have them marked out much before arriving at them.

Baba O’Ramdev by the Who’s Who
This updated version is a shout-out to a very successful contortionist.

Long Train’s not Running by the Dube Brothers
…a song that loses its driving rhythm somewhere midpoint and comes to an abrupt standstill during lockdown.

The Software Parade by the Windows
A paen to the information technology brigade… that is ever ready to move and has nowhere to go.

Sab theek hai, maaji by Babul Dhillon
The whole world is not Sashi Tharoor, so we had to do this in Hindi. It’s all right ma, I’m only dying.
Talking about Sashi Tharoor, can’t really leave the handsome stud out of the action. He needs his melodies too, whether in quatrains or iambic pentameter.

Threnodies and cantatas for Sashi Tharoor
Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious
If you have either heard or read Sashi, this needs no explanation!

Bruce’s Philosopher’s song from Monty Python
Can’t pass this one up for the very erudite Mr. Tharoor:
“Rene Descartes was a drunken fart,
‘I drink therefore I am’…
Socrates himself is particularly missed,
a lovely little thinker, but a bugger when he’s pissed.”

A tune or two for Ms Nostrilldamus
Holding a very important position is taxing on the nerves, and we do hope our lady has her moments of relaxation. The pressure of budgeting has her flaring, glaring and blaring most times. Getting a coiled spring to unwind has its challenges, but we will gamely try.

Why this kolaveri di
The Tamil is lost in translation, but in essence, the song suggests that madam does not fly off the handle. Shanti.

Urvashi, Urvashi, take it easy policy
Once again, the all too familiar Tamil lyric pleads with the listener not to get hot under the collar. “Don’t be like the fat man with the square face”, seems to be the distilled essence.

Songs for the supremo
I’m sure it gets lonely at the top. There is this horrid social distancing thing to start with, then your best mate has gone under the radar… one can practice yoga for all one’s worth, practice speeches in English with emphasis on the ‘z’, but nothing relaxes you like a song:

Mera jhootha hai japani
True, this song goes beyond boundaries and stated-positions. Having neither seen a pair of Maybach shades nor owned a Mont Blanc, I am hardly qualified to suggest this song, but what the heck, bash on regardless and all that…

If it’s Tuesday this must be Belgium
The lyrics may be in videshi, but what could be better for a compulsive globe-trotter? Belgium, Rome, Paris, Madrid… those names alone would be music to the ears.

Shongeet for the fat man with a square face who sits askance
A Malayalee wag had accurately called him the news anger. It is indeed questionable if the fat man with a square face will scale down his decibels, but maybe we could get him to dance instead?

Pump up the volume
This should work. The fat man with a square face will in all likelihood put away the Saul Bellow he was reading when he hears this.

Come feel the noise by One Republic
Truth is, the mentioned band never played this song. They should have done, though. Just the thought of the fat man with a square face jitterbugging on twinkle toes with bouffant askew… bound to beat the shy two-step that Sourav Ganguly once performed for a commercial!

And finally, a raga for RaGa
The dimpled Rahul Gandhi needs a song too. I suggest Mamma quel vino e generoso, from the opera Cavallerio Rusticana by Pietro Mascagni. This one is perfect… it is in Italian, and it’s got mamma in it!