Remember the good old days when farmers were just farmers? All they did then was sow and reap and worry about the weather. If the monsoon failed, they would worriedly ask each other, ‘have you ever seen the rain?’ And start performing clearwater revival poojas. If it rained too much, they would ask, ‘who’ll stop the rain?’ and start doing penances to please the earth, wind and fire. They would hope for sunshine on a cloudy day and mutter about a good day sunshine, while looking for silver beetles to ensure a good harvest.
But then Mr. Modi came along and changed everything. He made us realize that all the world’s a stage and we all play various roles. He himself was not so much a Prime Minister, he said, but a ‘chowkidar’ – a watchman. This started people scrambling to find other identities. Businessmen in pin striped suits now wanted to become farmers. They even got friendly law makers to pass bills that would allow corporations to get down and dirty in the field of agriculture. And not to be left out, farmers became politicians – they left their farms and headed for the capital, protesting, campaigning and holding rallies.
I personally think it would be a good thing if farming gets a bit of corporate culture. Have you seen the state of vegetables in local shops? Heaped haphazardly in dirty bins and hazardously filthy. Especially the potatoes and carrots. So dirty and disgusting, one would think they had been dug up from the ground or something. And all these veggies are too assorted – varied shapes and sizes, un-uniform quality, and a wide range of prices.
But if corporations took over farming, things would be quite different. Companies would sign binding contracts with farmers to make sure we get only the best, juiciest, and cleanest veggies in our markets. Clean and shiny our vegetables would be, just like the brand images of these companies.
After all, what do illiterate farmers know about marketing? But on the other hand, our highly efficient businessmen know just what is good for you. They will package all produce properly, and advertise them enticingly.
Take tomatoes, for instance. Right now they are piled high in filthy bins in shady shops and when you buy them, they are thrown carelessly in cheap plastic bags which will probably rip open before you could say ‘Andy Warhol’s tomato soup cans’, forcing you to leave a tomato trail all the way home.
But our farming companies will strictly adhere to high end, high class practices. Your clean and shiny tomatoes will be packed individually in attractive, biodegradable, crisply transparent and chromaticity-enhancing packaging. Of course, one corporate tomato might cost more than a filthy veggie heap you buy elsewhere, but your sole tomato comes with a stamp of excellence. That’s what matters.
Another important thing. Admit it, right now you really don’t know much about the nutritional values of a tomato, right? But after these companies come out with their slick advertising campaigns, you will kick yourself for not eating this wonder fruit on a daily basis. (Yes, it’s a fruit but prepared and eaten like a vegetable, which you will realize when the company launches its commercials.) And just like any other product, be it beverages or health drinks, tomatoes too will be the talk of the town, celebrated on billboards and posters all over the nation.
So say hello to your health-giving tomato.
Tomatoes are a great source of the antioxidant lycopene. If you have high blood pressure or high cholesterol, then just eat tomatoes. And lycopene will bring down all your bad highs.
Tomatoes are also a great source of vitamin C, potassium, folate, and vitamin K.
The C in Vitamin C, of course, stands for clearheaded and clever. See C, a wonder vitamin guaranteed to keep you healthy, wealthy and wise. Just one little tomato will give you about 28% of your daily vitamin C requirement. Isn’t that wonderful?
Ah, and what should we say about our dear Potassium? Among other things, potassium keeps your muscles, bones, heart and nerves healthy. So the potassium you get from your tomatoes will protect you from strokes, osteoporosis and kidney stones. Did you know that the symbol for potassium is ‘K’? Probably because gives you Kinetic energy. So your fully potassiumed tomato will keep you going and going.
Vitamin K1 (not to be confused with potassium), is essential for all red blooded humans as it helps in blood clotting and bone health. And Folate (vitamin B9) is important for normal tissue growth and cell function, which means you need your tomatoes to grow and function normally.
So don’t buy large, expensive bottles of vitamins. Instead just eat our expensive tomatoes. And you will get faster, stronger, sharper – just like an Olympian.
So this is the strategy for our tomato campaign. But wait till you see our potato ads. You will surely love them, whether you are a hot potato or a couch potato.
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